The case of Dolph Lundgren (web article)

[Jox]

http://berksmontnews.com/view_article.a ... icleID=478

October 22nd, 2004 Email this page
The case for Dolph Lundgren
By Aaron Jenkins


“Give me pensive Dolph! That’s it, that’s it.”
At least give the guy a cameo.

Or at least a shout-out in the credit or something!

In Hollywood's untenable vendetta to screw over the most sensible action star who has ever gilded the genre, Dolph Lundgren has been rebuffed once again.

It is fair to say that no actor has yet been casted as the mythological He-Man, but already Dolph is overlooked. This is most unfortunate being that Mr. Lundgren has worked with Woo before in the groundbreaking “Black Jack” TV series in 1998, USA Network.

Perhaps movie execs deserve the benefit of the doubt. Mr. Lundgren did announce a premature retirement in 2002, but did come out of it soon after, realizing how he had put the cosmic laws of Zodac in jeopardy. In addition, he is perhaps the busiest man in the business. Right now he is completing post-production on “The Defender” and beginning pre-production on “The Controller.” No time to be the Man, or He.

As an artisan, Dolph would probably not visit familiar waters as He-Man, since at the summit of his career would mean regression in taking the role.

But I believe he should, and so do millions of others. It is his body of work, or as the Swedes call it, oeuvre, that Mr. Lundgren proves why he is fit as the homoerotic protector of the universe. He is probably the actor with the most articles of “The” in his films’ titles: “The Punisher,” “The Peacekeeper,” “The Last Patrol,” “The Defender” and “The Controller.” This surely counts for something.

This is not the first time the screws have been drilled into the legacy of Dolph Daddy. Circa 2004, "The Punisher" was remade - the role that was originally made famous by the Swedish god in 1989. Of course, there needs to be no reminder. Disastrously, the remake was lost in Mr. Lundgren’s size 16s with some guy named Thomas Jane (“The Velocity of Gary”) and John Travolta (“Look Who’s Talking Now”).

If you still haven’t been sold of why Dolph Lundgren should reprise his role as the Master of the Universe in the upcoming “He-Man” film or at least be considered, I present a concrete case of rationale of why Dolph Lundgren should reprise his role as the Master of the Universe in the upcoming “He-Man” film or at least be considered:

• Mr. Lundgren holds a master's degree in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney and was awarded a Fullbright Scholarship to MIT.

• His IQ is 160. Clearly, he is smarter than The Rock, Brad Pitt and Nicholas Cage combined. If he so wanted, he could easily run for not only governor but also the Senate and House of Representatives in a single state. Not the overachiever, Mr. Lundgren would most likely commit his faculties to a concentrated office.

• Dolph is a third dan in Kyokushinkai karate. Affluent in the martial arts, Mr. Lundgren needs no extensive training for the role.

• Mr. Lundgren speaks five languages: Swedish, English, German, French and Japanese. That’s about how many Teresa Heinz-Kerry speaks. Although not in the position to become the First Lady, most people would rather get with Mr. Lundgren than her - myself included.

• Born in 1957, Mr. Lundgren claims his birthdate is 1959. Forty seven or forty five - whatever - the two years difference is like dog years in Hollywood. Nonetheless, he remains the sculpted Swede he was since the age of seven - about the age he checked in his V card.

To learn more about the journey of Dolph Lundgren from Rhodes Scholar to thespian elite, visit his official Web site at http://www.dolph-ultimate.com.

For a heartfelt DL tribute, log onto The Onion at

http://premium.theonion.com/news/index.php?id=3789.

[Mosquito]

Hm, they didn't do good background checks. Where's Spanish in the list of languages he speaks and since when is dolph-ultimate.com the "official" website? I mean, of course it is the best site but still not the official one.