Ultimate Dolph

Don’t Kill It



Catching Mike Mendez’s Don’t Kill It back at its Fantastic Fest premiere last year with a packed crowd unquestionably convinced me that we need to see at least one Dolph Lundgren-fronted horror flick released every year. The perennial action icon delivers a riotously self-aware performance as demon hunter Jebediah Woodley in this underrated and under-praised gem, tracking down an evil force that body-hops to a new host every time the previous one is murdered. Characterized very quickly by outrageous, hyperviolent action sequences and laughably-written dialogue, Don’t Kill It is the best made-for-Syfy movie that Syfy never made.

As premises go, “body-hopping monster you shouldn’t kill” is awfully brilliant. That’s doubly true when it’s realized by director Mike Mendez. If you’ve ever witnessed the awe and glory of Mendez’ ‘The Convent’, you’ll have a pretty good idea what to expect from this sopping-with-splatter action/horror/comedy mash-up.

The movie only has a handful of these gonzo sequences, but all the stuff in between still manages to be a whole lot of fun thanks to Dolph Lundgren. The sight of a demon hunter vaping away is a guaranteed laugh. Lundgren’s dry comedic delivery frequently had me cracking me up, especially with his take on a Southern drawl. Movies like this are required by law to throw in a will-they/won’t-they romantic angle with a reluctant partner. Pairing the once-and-future He-Man with an FBI-agent-slash-hometown-girl nicknamed Evil-Lyn (Kristina Klebe) set my heart aflutter. Thrill to a montage of Woodley rattling off all the different varieties of demons he’s squared off against. I mean, before the counter’s even ticked to the ten minute mark, there’s demon hooker sex with hyper-colorful lighting straight out of the Dario Argento playbook.

The movie’s ambition far, far outstrips its effects budget, not that the splatter throughout ‘Don’t Kill It’ has to be convincing to be a blast. The bleak, joyless pre-credits slaughter tonally feels like it belongs to an entirely different movie. Still, the hope of stumbling across something like ‘Don’t Kill It’ is why I write this column. It’s ridiculous, it’s inventive, it’s thrilling, it’s hysterical, and it’s right there on Netflix waiting for you.

Don’t Kill It
Now Streaming on Netflix
Matt: Am I already cheating with my first pick? Yes. 100%. Mike Mendez’s Don’t Kill It is low-budget as dirt but deserves maximum exposure. The concept is simple: don’t kill “it.” What’s “it?” An ancient demon who terrorizes Mississippi townies. The problem is when you kill the demon – eviscerating whoever’s currently possessed – another nearby body becomes the new vessel. Dolph Lundgren saunters into frame as evil hunter Jebediah Woodley, Kristina Klebe his reluctant partner, and B-Movie hijinx sufficiently coat smalltown innocents in dummies-and-prosthetics gore when caught in this demon hunter vs. unstoppable foe meat grinder. On second thought, you want a tie-in to this week’s “big-budget B-movie” theme? Here’s my plea to grant Mendez a massive budget and full creative liberties with a mainstream sequel/revamp/remake/reimagining of Don’t Kill It. Click, click, BOOM.

Don’t Kill It (2016)

Dolph Lundgren really should have had more of a career in mainstream Hollywood outside of Rocky IV and Masters of the Universe - as a Fulbright scholar and a martial arts champion, the man has skills on a multitude of levels. It was nice to see him move towards something of a comeback with The Expendables movies, and this movie only works to further that late-stage career boost. Starring Lundgren as a demon hunter traveling to a small town, the film’s smart blend of humor and comedy gathered it rave reviews during its limited run last year, and hopefully the film with establish itself further on Netflix.